What one thing were you waiting for?
As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a mom. About a year after my husband and I were married we started trying to conceive a child. He was 30 and I 28 years old, so we were anxious to get pregnant quickly. But one month turned into two, which turned into six, and before we knew it a year had passed with no baby in sight.
We sought out the help of a fertility doctor, and round after round pills was soon followed by injections and then IUI, all to no avail. Now, nearly two years into our pursuit of a baby, we were referred to an IVF doctor. During our initial consultation with him, I heard God speak to me as clear as I’ve ever heard him. “This is not what I have for you.” I couldn’t leave that office fast enough! I told my husband what I’d heard and explained that I couldn’t move forward with IVF as I didn’t believe it was God’s plan for us. I brought up the idea of adoption, but my husband wondered if he would be able to love a child that didn’t come from his own body like he would a biological child. He had no exposure to adoption, while I had a number of cousins who had been adopted, so I’d grown up around it. I sought God in prayer and gave Him time to work on my husband’s heart.
How did God help you in your wait? How did you continue to Live in the Wait?
I remember digging into my bible and crying out to God in my sorrow. He pointed me to numerous healing verses, but one scripture that especially ministered to my heart was Romans 15:13:
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”
GOD must be the source of my hope, not doctors or medication or procedures or my own will. If I trust in Him alone, then He will fill me with joy and peace. While it doesn’t promise He will give me what I want, I trust that my Heavenly Father knows what I truly need, and his joy and peace are more important than what I think I want.
In the midst of our fertility journey, my husband and I volunteered as leaders in our church’s college and young adults ministry. We each led weekly small groups in our home for the ladies and men, as well as Sunday night game night and many other get togethers. This group of young adults soon became like family to us. They were vulnerable with their struggles and we had the opportunity to offer encouragement and pour into into their lives. The time that we had available without young children to care for allowed us to meet them at a moment’s notice when crisis stuck, which earned their trust and the honor of often acting as a “mother” to them. I was filled with joy and peace, and it was the richest season of ministry in my life.
Was what you were waiting for received? If not, how did God provide differently instead?
After another six months had passed, upon my return home from a mission trip to Africa, my husband shared with me that he wanted to start the process of adoption. We completed our home study and while waiting on final approval from the Arizona Court, our adoption agency contacted us and asked if they could show our profile as they had numerous birth mothers and very few families with open preferences like ours to match them with. We of course said yes and were matched within days. But upon seeing the details of the situation and praying through it, neither of us had peace. I felt so guilty for being offered a child but feeling deep down it wasn’t right. The agency cautioned us that if we turned down this opportunity, it could potentially be a year before we were matched again. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that this again wasn’t what God had for us. So we said no and trusted that God’s plan was worth waiting for, however long that turned out to be. In His mercy, this time the wait turned out to be a short 24 hours. The next day the agency called to say we were chosen by another birth mother, and our precious daughter, Brighton Elyse, was born just 10 weeks later.
The day Brighton was born was one of the most incredible days of my life. We spent hours in the hospital with her birth mother while she labored, getting to know her and her beautiful heart. I even had the privilege of being in the delivery room and cutting her umbilical cord. Her birth mother commented that ever since she met us, she knew this baby was always meant to be ours, and we felt the exact same way. Brighton was worth every moment of waiting, every tear cried.
Shortly after Brighton’s first birthday, we were matched yet again with another expecting mother. She was very early in her pregnancy, and on paper the adoption didn’t make sense: a couple in their mid-20’s who’d been together for four years and known each other since kindergarten. They appeared deeply in love, and were both smart and driven. Everyone including our social worker doubted they would follow through with the adoption, that we were set up for heartbreak. But despite the circumstances, when I prayed about it I had total peace. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that there were days I allowed fear to creep in, but ultimately I trusted God and his plan, whatever the outcome.
Juliana Marie was born in the middle of the night, via a delivery that was as dramatic and tumultuous as the months leading up to it. But in the end, she became ours and God again proved himself faithful.
I am so thankful that we weren’t able to conceive a child, because God’s plan turned out to be so much greater than I could have ever hoped or imagined. Not only do we have two beautiful girls that feel like they were created just for us, but God also grew a faith in me that’s invaluable. I was content with that being the whole of our story, but God wasn’t done…
Nearing our 10 year anniversary, we desired to expand our family once again. Though we didn’t feel the need to have a biological child, I still desired to experience pregnancy. I considered giving fertility treatments another try, but felt God’s prompting that He could make it happen, but I would need to trust Him as the giver of life.
My faith continued to be stirred through reading Jane Johnson’s book Mercy Like Morning; through digging into scripture and seeing connections like the promise that “nothing will be impossible with God” to both Sarah, a 90-year old barren woman who conceives a son, and then Mary, who miraculously conceived God’s own son, Jesus; and through prophetic words from friends that we would conceive a son.
In January, after nearly nine years of waiting, we found out I was pregnant. With a son. To God alone be the glory!
What advice would you give to someone else who is in the waiting?
Trust God and follow his lead. His plan most likely looks different than yours, but is always better! Don’t miss the beauty of where God has you because you’re so focused on what you think you want. Though agonizingly long and painful in the midst of it, our wait also held so many wonderful memories. That season now feels like a brief moment in time and has only made this gift all the sweeter. I am savoring every moment of this pregnancy and truly see it as the incredible gift it is. I felt the same way about our girls. Our waits for them made me enjoy them so much more. And more than anything else, the trust I now have in God through seeing his faithfulness is priceless.
Guest post written by Laura.
Please pass this message along to anyone you know who could use some encouragement in the wait or is going through infertility.
The Wait List features guest posts from people just like you and me, all sharing a coming thread of you guessed it, waiting. No one wants to be on the wait list, but through these features, I hope you find encouragement and see all the miraculous ways God works through us during that time. If you are interested in sharing your story on The Wait List, please contact me.
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